The Declarer (Floyd McWilliams' Blog)

Monday, March 31, 2003

Last night my wife and I finally saw The Two Towers. We had gone to movie theaters twice in December, only to be turned away when the show sold out.

A lot of bloggers liked the movie and I guess my expectations were too high. The fight scenes and the ents were well done. Gollum was pretty good too. But there was a lot of silly stuff that could have been excised. If you're going to make a three hour movie, make sure everything is essential. Here's what should have been left on the cutting room floor:

  • A long and pointless diatribe about the differences between mortality and immortality, delivered by Squiggy from Laverne and Shirley.
  • Cate Blanchett was not electrocuted, as she appeared to be in the first movie. Sometimes I hate that special effects stuff.
  • Any SARS cases should be sent to Liv Tyler, who will kiss them back to good health. I am a supermodel and you are so, like, not sick.
  • People with bad hair screaming and hugging and crying. Turn the sound on! I'm paying for this movie!
  • Betrayed -- by a bunch of trees! Are you surprised? Juan Gato isn't.
  • We know it's a climactic moment. You don't need to beat us over the head with the soundtrack.

On the bright side, a whole bunch of elves showed up out of nowhere and helped me to write my blog.



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