The Declarer (Floyd McWilliams' Blog)

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

Attention All Homosexuals:

We, the heterosexual community of America, have decided that marriage must be defended. We believe that marriage is between a man and a woman. We heterosexuals who happen to be president of the United States also believe that defending marriage will cause many religious conservatives to vote for us. The details can be found in a spreadsheet on Karl Rove's computer.

Marriage is about a deep lifelong commitment between a man and a woman. That is why it is possible for any man and woman to go to a county courthouse and get married on the spur of the moment. Obviously an institution that demands the sacrifice of fifty dollars and one hour cannot be opened to people who have been in a relationship for just a few years. Or decades.

Marriage is so sacred, and such a serious matter, that in the city of Las Vegas it is possible to be married in a drive-through chapel. It is also possible to be married by an Elvis impersonator. How can we open this serious institution to a bunch of frivolous gay and lesbian people? What have they done to show that they are serious about being wed, other than to stand out in the rain all night in the chilly clime of San Francisco?

Marriage is possessed of a solemn dignity. For example: A television show purports to chronicle the marriage of a beautiful woman and a clumsy, fat man. The woman, and her family, are humiliated in front of millions of people. The woman chooses to marry the fat man for very noble reasons, which consist of half a million dollars and the desire to be seen on national television. This dignity, this mien, cannot possibly be understood by gays and lesbians.

We heterosexuals who defend marriage so ardently against encroachment by homosexuals do not also complain about drive-through chapels, or reality shows that pay people to become married. This is not because we hate fags. It is merely a coincidence.



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