|The Declarer (Floyd McWilliams' Blog)|
Sunday, August 01, 2004
Micah said in my comments that we would have to have a conversation about bunting sometime. I think we should make a pretentious foreign film about it. A Conversation about Bunting, premiering at Sundance. The dialog would sound like this:
Sophisticate Nombere Un: The bunting, what can one say?
Sophisticate Nombere Deux: Ah mais oui.
SNU: (A brilliantly acted knowing glance.)
SND: The bunting. When the batter bunts.
SNU: Oui. The dashing fury of the hitter is controlled and tamed.
SND: Mon ami, have you known a bunter?
SNU: (Twirls his wineglass.) Ah, the bunters I have known. Back before the world ruined me and filled me with disgust, I knew a bunter.
SND: Did this bunter have a name?
SND: C'est droll, ca! But perhaps one would not expect a bunter to be named "Maurice" or "Aloysius."
SNU: Regards, his last name was Melvin. Bunting Bob Melvin. I was sitting in a casino, rotting with despair because I could not play and had to wait.
SNU: No. 4/8 Hold'em. I lounged in a place called the Sports Book, though no one was reading books about sport or anything else.
SND: And it was there that you met Bunting Bob?
SNU: No, he was on television. He managed a team that was playing against a rival of the team that I followed at the time.
SND: And what team was that?
SNU: The Oakland Athletics.
SND: My friend, it is not the world that has filled you with disgust, but first-round playoff losses. But please continue.
SNU: This Melvin's team, the Mariners, was tied with the team I wished to see lose, the Angels. The game was tied when the nine innings normally allotted expired. The first batter for the Mariners, a man who was once a household name in Japan, hit successfully.
SND: And then?
SND: The bunt?
SNU: Yes, the bunt.
SND: Ah, the bunt.
SNU: The 3% increase in one's chance of scoring exactly one run.
SND: But also a sharp decrease in one's chance of scoring more runs.
SNU: The bunt was superbly imagined and executed. The bunter returned to his teammates and touched hands with them, and no one asked him why he played center field even though he has an arm as weak as my current will to live.
SND: Did the runner advance?
SNU: He advanced. And scored! And soon the inning was over.
SND: My friend, you are black with despair. What could have gone wrong? After all, as Hemingway might have said, when you know that you need one run you bunt. It is just something that you have to do.
SNU: In the bottom of the inning the Angels scored two runs and won the game.
Let me know if you need financing to produce your film. I would ask you one favor. I'd like to make a cameo as Ichiro Suzuki. Or Bob Melvin.