The Declarer (Floyd McWilliams' Blog)

Sunday, November 13, 2005

(My first post in two weeks. If you want to get more attention you'll have to shrink yourself to 1'10", assume a cherubic expression, and bawl incessantly.)

I just went to to check football scores -- except that I mistyped the URL as, which took me to Société Française du Livre. This was not a page that had any scores, though I think the World Football League might have a Paris team.

That led me to wonder what one would find on the great wide internet by typing the variants of *

Expected: American Football League nostalgia fan site.
Actual: The prototypical domain squatter spam site. Remember the sharp operators who bought site names such as and, in the expectation of raking in extortionate payoffs? (And who were mostly disappointed.) They're still around, but now they squat on sites in the hopes that someone will confuse them for search engine results or useful content, and click on their ads. is a white box inside a light blue frame, with six lists of search categories. Its queries are rerouted to

Expected: The Birmingham Fencing League.
Actual: Body For Life. They're not spammers, though there are a fair number of gross "before" photos.

Expected: The Canuckistan Football League
Actual: A slimmed-down spammer site containing a total of 14 words. Has one text area and a Google-styled Search button. Searching for "Canadian Football League" yielded four ads. (Google, a real search engine, informs me that the CFL's web page is at

Expected: Design For Living
Actual: Nothing. Your big opportunity to make bucks annoying people.

Expected: Embassy Foreign Leasing
Actual: Resolves to GlobalEnglish -- or rather, an error page because GlobalEnglish supports only IE. DELETED! (By the way, there was no expansion for EFL. Okay, I'll use IE. Still no dice.)
Expected: Friends For Life: A Christian Fellowship Organization
Actual: First Federal of Lakewood. (We've Been Here. We'll Be Here.) Wherever that is. (They have a branch in Brunswick, which tells me nothing.) A few clicks later I find that Lakewood is in Ohio.
Expected: Good Friends Living Senior Housing
Actual: Nothing
Expected: Ham Fighters Limited (the offical website of the Nippon Ham Fighters Japanese baseball team)
Actual: The Heritage Family Library of Nashville, which sells educational material such as abridged encyclopedias. You can tell they are a quality outfit because they would never stoop to anything as crass as selling over the internet. Or even telling people about their products! The web site is vintage 1995 in its styling, simplicity, and inutility.
Expected: International Football League (not that football, the boring kind)
Actual: Internet For Learning, an ISP servicing British schools
Expected: Jews For Life ("for life" meaning anti-abortion)
Actual: "Jefsport presents ... Jef's Football League." The League consists of people playing Madden 2002 on their PCs over the internet, and registering their wins and losses.
Expected: (I entered kfl before making a prediction, much to the relief of everyone.)
Actual: Krueger Food Laboratories, "an independent food testing and consulting laboratory, incorporated since 1984."
Expected: Limp For Life, a website documenting the adverse reactions associated with erectile dysfunction drugs.
Actual: The same scummy site as!
Expected: Maryland Ford Leasing
Actual: The MFL Group, which rather begs the question (nothing on their website clarifies the acronym). MFL provides "Executive Consulting and Coaching." Like First Federal of Lakewood, they are based in Ohio. MFL's office is 35.4 miles from the Brunswick branch of FFL.
Expected: Natal Friends League, a South African ... oh, right. Sorry.
Expected: Object Focus Lasers
Actual: A third site, though skinned differently from afl and lfl.
Expected: Pleasure For Ladies. (Have you ever seen an internet porn site aimed at women? Me neither.)
Actual: "No web site is configured at this address." exists according to nslookup, it just doesn't have a website.
Expected: Quoits Founders League
Actual: "The domain name is for sale Prices in the region of US"
Guess, how much for three random letters?
The correct answer is ...

$15,000! "Get On The Web Limited registered for its own websites, portals and client projects a number of generic domain names (including this one) some years ago, which are now no longer required. We are considering selling this domain name alone, or the domain name plus partially-developed website. If you are interested in this domain name please complete this enquiry form."

I've taken a lot of shit from the internet. Now it's time to give some back:

Domain name
Your Details
Contact Name
Joe Bagadonuts
Organization Name Quoits Founders League
Country Ruritania
Your Email Address
How much will you offer for this domain name? US$ 0.05

Comments or Other Information Ha ha ha ha $15,000 ha ha ha ha.
Expected: Rolling on the Floor Laughing Comedy Webpage
Actual: Resources For Living. (Crap, I guessed For Living on the wrong letters.) "Resources For Living is passionately dedicated to empowering people like yourself to master life’s challenges. Everyone has his/her own unique needs. It is RFL’s belief that as individuals are empowered to master their life challenges, whether utilizing on-line information and tools, telephonic coaching, or community resources, they will excel."

I don't need to be coached on how to use the telephone!
Actual: The aforementioned Société Française du Livre.
Expected: Taro Free Luaus
Actual: A German leather supply corporation. "We want to be the preferred supplier to the leather industry on a global basis, creating value for our customers through superior systems and service."
Expected: Underwear Free Lessons, teaching people how to reject the tyranny of brassiers, briefs, and panties.
Actual: The University of Florida. Well, maybe Gators can take classes on clothing options.
Expected: Varnon-Leesam Landscapes
Actual: Another squatter, this one a single advertisement for debt consolidation.
Expected: I said World Football League earlier, and I'm standing by it.
Actual: Nothing. What is name of the European league created by the NFL? Oh, NFL Europe. Oops.
Expected: The XFL site! Sure, the Extreme Football League has been defunct for many a year, but why not keep the site up to promote merchandise and wresting crossover?
Actual: Redirects to World Wrestling Entertainment. Got one right, sort of.

(N.b.: The XFL made a big deal about how its league was football for real men and the NFL was inhabited by pussies. This was too ridiculous even for the summer-blockbuster-movie-attending morons who were its target audience -- in today's Bears-49ers game, a San Francisco player broke his leg and a Chicago player twisted his knee in a "sickening manner") -- and so the league went defunct after one season.)
Expected: Youth For Lungpower, an up-and-coming alternative band that I just made up. (I had to describe them as "alternative"; that's the only kind of music there is these days.)
Actual: searchportal.information spam page #4.
Expected: searchportal.information spam page numero cinco
Actual: A fake portal, though not of the searchportal.information variety. Has a free coupon to Red Lobster for extra grossout power.



You have too much free time. Isn't your child calling?

By Anonymous Eric, at 3:19 PM  

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